Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
