The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We're too hungover to prance.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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