I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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