You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
