im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
