Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
