Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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