Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
so much tequila, so little girl.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
