im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think I won the penis lottery.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
