What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
