I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
