It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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