I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
