3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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