i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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