Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
