The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
