Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
