Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we're making bets on your personal life
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize