booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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