i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize