well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
