Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize