Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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