i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize