So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
