i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
