He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
