the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
