And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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