We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
