I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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