Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
