I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
