Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
