Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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