it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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