Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I want to be your penis for a week.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
