What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
