I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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