just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
