So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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