Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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