This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
