I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
