pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize