She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize