I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
