I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we're making bets on your personal life
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
