Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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