I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
