I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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