im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
sex in a hospital.. check
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
