He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
