I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
