And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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