You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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