I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Come on in and take your pants off
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