Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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