Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
