New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it's like iHOP with fire
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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