He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How does one acquire holy water?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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