Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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