Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
