We're like a lot better than the average bears
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
