Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
