I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
