ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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