The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
