Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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